Breaking the pattern
by Yulya18
Summary: After experiencing a traumatic childhood, Queen Cersei vows to never let their children go through the same.


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**BREAKING THE PATTERN**

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"Happy birthday, my little dove."

Sansa Stark had barely woken up when her mother came into her room, smiling brightly at her.

"Good morning mother." – she answered politely.

"Oh, my little one, this is such a special day for you." – Cersei Stark, previously known as Cersei Lannister, came closer to her daughter's bed and hugged her tenderly before kissing her forehead. – It seems like it was yesterday when I was screaming my head off and crushing your father's hand while trying to bring you into this world."

"Mother!" – the youngest of the two exclaimed, amused. That story had never failed to entertain her, especially when her mother told it in front of her father, the King.

"But it was all so worth it, little dove. I had never seen a man so in love with someone as your father was with you. And since that day you became her precious pearl. Our precious pearl... turning into a lady of three and ten today."

"Oh, mother I can't wait! Can you imagine? The joust, the knights... and the feast with all the singers... the singers!" – she sighed dreamily, already excited to hear all those love song she had always been so fond of.

"Yes, my love. I know you've waited a long time for this day. But don't you want to go play with your siblings and your cousin for a while?"

"Not at all, mother. All they want to do is play with swords. And they behave like a group of widlings!" – she explained, horrified.

"They are still very young, little dove. They have enough time to learn to behave more properly."

"It is not correct, mother. Even Arya likes those awful games! I have tried to convince her to spend time with me and learn to sing and dance and be a proper lady but she just makes fun of me. Mother, she says that she prefers to dress like a boy instead of wasting her time turning into someone as stupid as me." – Sansa complained, remembering her last conversation with her younger sister.

"Maybe if you tried to be more involved in her games, she would be more inclined to learn some of your tastes too." – Cersei offered, worried on the inside. Her daughters were as different as night and day and those differences would only increase with age. And that was something she didn't want for her beloved daughters.

"There is no way I am doing that. It would ruin my reputation and any future marriage prospects. Why can't Arya understand how important it is that she behaves as a lady should? Doesn't she want to be the lady of a great house and be surrounded and loved by her own people? To give sons and daughters to her lord husband and to have songs written about her beauty and charm? How could any woman not want that?"

Cersei frowned at her daughter's words and suddenly it wasn't Sansa she was seeing. In her place she saw a blond child, full of smiles and dreams of being a great lady and making her family proud. Her hands started shaking.

"Mother?" – Sansa called.

Cersei came out of her vision and smiled at her daughter, trying to reassure her that nothing was amiss.

"I'm sorry, little dove. I just remembered I need to talk to your father." – she kissed her forehead once more and stood up. – Why don't you get ready and your father and I will see you to break our fast together."

"Yes,mother."

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><p>.<p>

The day celebrations went according to the plan and before everyone knew it, several hours had already passed and all the guests were enjoying themselves at the feast. The cooks had outdone themselves preparing their princess' favorite dishes and desserts, included her always prefered lemoncakes.

Sansa, on her part, was having the best nameday feast ever. She was wearing a new dress her mother had had made for her and had been allowed to use some of the jewels her lord father had giver her mother on their wedding day, which she had loved since she was a little girl. Everyone had praised her beauty and that had only increased her happiness and her mother's worries.

Later, Sansa was presented with many nameday gifts, those from her family and close friends as well as from other important familes in the realm and even from many suitors looking to win her favours and hand in marriage. She appreciated them all greatly and thanked everyone profusely before the dancing continued.

Many hours later, the royal family retired for the evening. Cersei put Tommen, her youngest child, to bed and later accompanied her husband to their daughter's chambers.

"Honey, are you still awake?" – Ned asked after knocking on Sansa's door.

"Come in, father."

"Did you have fun, little dove?" – asked Cersei, entering the room with her husband and standing behind her daughter, who was sitting in her vanity.

"Yes, mother. It was all I could have asked for. Thank you both of you." – she smiled at them through the mirror.

"We have one more gift for you." – Cersei said, while Ned opened the door and brought something inside.

"Father, mother, you have already given me so much!"

"We hope you like it, sweetheart." – Ned said, putting the presents on her bed. He wasn't sure if they had been the right choice for Sansa, but his wife had convinced him in the end.

"Dad... what...?" – she asked as soon as she had finished opening the gifts.

"Little dove, we know you love your sewing and danving lessons, but we think it may be a good idea for you to learn how to ride and to use a bow. Your brother Robb and your cousin Jon had offered to teach you." – Cersei explained, brushing her daughter's hair.

"But I don't enjoy riding, mother. It's all so... messy. – she tried to explain as politely as possible.

"I know, sweetheart. But we really want you to be more involved in playing with your siblings." – the queen tried to reason with her trying to keep her composure. The last thing she wanted was to force her daughter, but if it was necessary she would.

"But mother..."

"Please, sweetie. For us?"

"I won't do it, mother. Not even for you and father."

"Yes, you will." – Cersei insisted, losing her patience. "You will take horse riding and bow lessons and thats the end of it."

"No! I will not behave like a wildling. I. WILL. NOT!"

Slap.

"Cersei!" – Ned screamed after seeing his wife manhandle their daughter for the first time in her life.

"By the gods... Sansa... I…" – the queen stuttered, trying to touch the injured cheek.

"Leave me alone. I hate you. I hate you!" - Sansa yelled, leaving the room in a hurry.

"Sansa!" – now it was Cersei who screamed, trying to go after her and apologise but her husband stopped her, grabbing her wrist and taking her with him to their chambers.

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><p>.<p>

After leaving her chambers, Sansa ran to her sister's room and entered without even announcing herself. Arya was so shocked by her entrance that she cut herself with the sword her cousin Jon had given her on her last nameday.

"What do you want?" – she asked when it was obvious that older of the two wasn't going to talk.

"Mother... mother... she hit me."

"What? Mother hit perfect Sansa? What could you possibly have done? – Arya joked.

"She and father gave me a bow for my nameday. She said they want me to learn how to use it."

"So?"

"That's not something ladies do, Arya! Gods, how can you be so stupid?" – she said, frustrated with her younger sister.

"Hey! Watch it!" - Arya complained rather that show her worry for her sister's outburst. After all, that wasn't typical Sansa behaviour.

Sansa covered her mouth, scandalised for her harsh words towards her sister and took some steps back until she was outside the room.

"I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. – she said. By now her cheeks were wet with her tears and she was starting to feel breathless.

"Sansa, wait!" – called Arya. But the girl had already turned around, disappearing down the hall.

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><p>.<p>

"Cersei, what is wrong with you?" – was the first thing Ned said when they entered their chambers. His wife didn't answer, only stared at him, still in shock for what she had done. – "Cersei!" – he called her again, grabbing her shoulders to gain her attention.

"Ned..." – she whispered, eyes full of pain.

"How could you do that to her? She's just a child."

"I didn't mean to. I don't... don't know why I did it."

"But you still did it." – he let go of his wife and walked to the other side of the room. – "I knew those gifts were a bad idea but I foolishly let you convince me."

"Please, my love... you have to believe I didn't mean for this to happen." – she begged him from her position near the door.

"Then why must you keep insisting she turns into something she is not? She's too young to deal with such a burden."

"She must realise that life is not a song. The world is a cruel place and the sooner she understands it the better." – Cersei answered him, not knowing what else to say.

"Is that why you compare her to Arya so much? Do you really love Arya that much and Sansa so little as to do that to her?"

Cersei looked at him furiously and before he could say something else, she walked up to him and slapped him with all her strength.

"How dare you?! How dare you assume that I love one child more than the other? I love all our children with all my heart, so don't you fucking dare!" – she screamed.

"They why? Why damn it?!" – now he was angry too and he wasn't going to stop until he got all the answers he needed. What he didn't expect was to see his wife start sobbing and covering her face with her hands.

"Because I used to be like Sansa." – she confessed.

"What?" – Ned was confused.

"I was like my sweet Sansa once. Always delicate, polite and eager to please. I fell in love with the same songs and the same stories and stupidly thought that I would live my own one day. And because of it, my father and everyone around me used me as they saw fit."

"Cersei..." – he stepped closer to her and tried to hug her, but she just stepped back, not finished with her story. A story he had not known anything about until now.

"I was so desperate to please father that I really accepted his attempts to make me Robert's queen after he started his rebellion, even knowing deep inside that I would have been nothing more than a poor substitute for your sister. I would have lived the rest of my life as a puppet, going through the motions but dead inside. And if it hadn't been for you, I would have stopped existing a long time ago. If you hadn't found your sister and learned the truth… if you hadn't seen what Robert Baratheon and my family did to those poor Targaryen children… if you hadn't raised the northern army and fought against Robert and my father, I would have been forced to do abominable things... things that would have killed me inside." – This time it was Cersei who came closer to her beloved husband and king and hugged him, hiding her face in his leather covered chest.

"Cersei, what things?" – what could be worse than hearing that her father had wanted her to marry Robert Baratheon and be his queen once he became King of the Seven Kingdoms?

"Father and Jaime plotted that once I became queen, I was to lay with one of them and give birth to Lannister children."

"What?!"- yelled an scandalized Ned.

"Yes, Ned. That's the truth. They would have married me off to that despicable excuse of a man just to make sure they could put a true Lannister on the throne. And if you hadn't fallen in love with me and taken me as your queen... I... I... I would have lived the rest of my life as nothing more than a pawn in their cruel game." – she raised her eyes until they connected with those grey ones, so cold as winter but with so much warmth whenever they fell on her. – "It was you who gave me my life back. You who gave me joy. You who gave me all these beautiful, wonderful children to raise and adore." – she raised her hands and put them on either side of his head – "And the gods, old and new, can curse me if I ever let any harm come to any of them. Or even to Jon."

"Hush my love... hush..."

"I would rather die, Ned... I would die a thousand times before letting them experience what I suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to protect me."

Ned put a finger under her chin and kissed her softly, showing her that his love for her hadn't changed after her gruesome revelation.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" – he asked her, running his fingers through her lovely blond tresses, relaxing her with his touch.

"I was terrified that you wouldn't want me anymore if you ever learned the truth... I couldn't bear the idea of you rejecting me and casting me aside for someone else... just the mere thought of you, loving, laughing, making love to another woman was too much."

"Hush... that would have never happened, my love. You're the only woman I could ever love and desire. Never doubt that."

"I love you, Ned. I love you so much."

"I love you too, my queen."

Cersei smiled sweetly at him but when she made to step away from his embrace, her knees buckled and if it hadn't been for him, she would have fallen to the floor.

"Cersei!"

"It's okay... I'm just tired, my love."

Her husband, understating what a rough day she had had, didn't say another word and simply carried her to bed and after helping her take off her dress, he tucked her in before doing the same and cuddling with her under the furs.

"Sleep now, wife. Tomorrow we'll see what to do with Sansa." – he promised just as she was falling sleep, feeling safe and finally free of her lifelong burden.

On the other side of the door, however, Sansa was sobbing quietly, feeling deeply ashamed of her behaviour. She had come to her parent's chambers to yell at her mother, but she had never suspected she would end up being witness to such horrifying confessions. It was just too much for her to stand there and see her always perfect mother practically destroyed by her past. She wanted to enter the room and apologise to her and promise to do what she thought was best for her.

But in the end, she turned around and returned to her chambers, knowing that it would be better to just show her instead of merely making promises.

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><p>.<p>

The next day, Cersei woke up later than usual, finding her husband had already left their bedchambers to tend to his kingly duties.

'_My beloved, comprehensive husband.'_ she thought with a smile.

She called one of her maids and after breaking her fast and finishing getting ready for the day, she went searching for her oldest daughter. She needed to apologise to her for her rash behaviour the night before and also make her understand the importance of being her own woman.

After looking for her in all her favourite places, she was just about to give up when she saw her younger daughter. Maybe she knew something about her sister's whereabouts, however unlikely it seemed. After all, they didn't actually spend much time in each other's company.

"Arya. Have you seen your sister?" – she asked with a smile, trying in vain to fix her dark hair.

"She's in the yard with Robb and Jon."

'In the yard? What could she possibly be doing there?' That was the last place where she would ever want to be.

"Go see for yourself, mother." – was all the little girl said before running to find something exciting to do for the day.

Cersei left all her ladylike behaviour behind and practically ran to the training yard to see for herself if what Arya had said was true.

And it was.

There, in the middle of the yard, was her gorgeous Sansa, dressed in a tunic and breeches and holding her new bow while her brother and cousin seemed to be giving her instructions. Cersei couldn't help the smile on her face.

As if sensing that she was being observed, Sansa raised her eyes until they connected with her mother's. And she smiled back.

'_I love you.'_ Cersei mouthed before leaving her children to their practice. Suddenly, she couldn't wait to see her husband and thank him again for the family he had given her.

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><p>.<p>

By the time Sansa's next nameday came and she all but begged her parents for a sword like Arya's, Cersei knew with certainty that her daughter would have a great and safe life.

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><p>AN: And that was my first Game of Thrones story. I hope you really liked it, even though there are not many stories for Cersei/Ned, but I just LOOOVE this couple :)

Let me know if you liked it, hated it or anything in between.


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